Letter to the toxic ex...

Dear you,

March 4, 2002 changed my life. It was the day we met. You were such a cocky asshole. I couldn’t figure out why the hell you wouldn’t stop talking to me. We had a little in common, but not enough for all that. You just wouldn’t go away. That Friday night I saw you again. And again Saturday. We danced; we went for a walk and talked. You made me smile, I have to admit. And it didn’t hurt that you looked just like one of my favorite musical artists. I’ll admit, I was hooked. It took you less than a week. That Sunday night, March 10, as we sat under the stars, you told me I was taken. And I agreed. For a whirlwind two weeks, we were inseparable. And then you found out you were leaving. Before you went, you told me that we could drag out the inevitable or I could just agree to marry you right then and there. Which I did. The long distance relationship was hard, but we made it work. We made plans to get married in July. I couldn’t have been happier. Until you didn’t show up. And I was crushed. But, idiot that I was, I took you back.

The next three years were a roller coaster for us. We split up, we got back together, over and over again. I stayed with you while you were in jail, despite the cheating, the lying, all of it. I started planning another wedding once you were out of jail. Until I found out you married someone else…and she was having your baby.

This letter is not about me forgiving you. I have no animosity toward you anymore. I let go of that a long time ago. But now I’m also letting go of all the good memories too. You taught me a lot about myself and for that I will always be grateful to you. You were my first love and you will always hold a piece of my heart. For a long time you were the standard that I held guys to. I’d compare things they did with what you would do in the same situation. Now, instead of the standard, you’re more the cautionary tale. It’s no longer about guys measuring up to you, it’s about them not measuring down to you, so to speak. I’ll never again let a guy treat me the way you did. I’m not forgiving you with this. I’m forgiving myself. I’m forgiving myself for believing you when you said you loved me, for taking you back all those times, for letting you control my life for as long as you did. It’s beyond time to close that chapter of my life, a chapter that began when I was 18. I’m putting you out of my head and out of my heart. Not to mention out of my life.

Thank you, for making me a stronger woman, a more confident woman. For helping me learn what I want and don’t want in a man and in a relationship. Thank you…and good bye.